Saying goodbye to Dude

On October 1, I said goodbye to Dude.

It was very sudden. I think it has taken me so long to write this because I still can't wrap my head around it. And the sadness is very deep.

On Sunday, September 20, we had a nice ride out in the back field with boarder Emily and her horse, Dude's pasture buddy Target.

On Tuesday, September 22, we had a nice ride down the road with barn owner Julie and boarder Katie and their horses Sky and Rocky.

Both rides were at the walk for about a half hour to 40 minutes and Dude seemed alert and happy. He was a superstar on the road. That ride went so well I started thinking about a better saddle pad, and how many rides we could get in before it got too cold to be out on the road.

On Wednesday, September 23, Julie called me at work at about 3 pm, right as I was setting up for an event. She said that they had noticed that Dude was lame in the hind end when they brought him in, that he laid down once he got in, and that they thought he was tying up because his muscles were quivering. The other thought was that he was having an HYPP episode. I said that I would get there as soon as I could get away from work, which would likely be around 6 pm.

The vet was called. In the interim, they got Dude up, and Renee, Maddie's former trainer who is working with some folks at the barn, rubbed him down to loosen him up. Someone later told me that she did that for 45 minutes. Amazing, and I'm so grateful.

When I got to the barn, he was alert, but resting his back right leg and shaking in his left front leg, which he kept propped slightly out in front. I noticed right away that he had a swollen knot on the rear of his left front leg. It freaked me out, like the ligament had popped or something. I called the vet, and he said that Dude had likely sustained a ligament injury from supporting himself heavily in the front; that the ligament injury must've occurred after they looked at him earlier.

I got wraps, and got him out of the stall slowly. We came out of the stall on a slight curve to the left, so he could then take a couple steps backwards to be placed on the crossties. It broke my heart; I cried seeing him come out basically two-legged lame but after negotiating the step out he seemed to do all right. 

Dude seemed like he had fallen off a cliff, from happy and active to struggling.

The next day he stayed in, wrapped and on bute. Ditto for the next day. And the next. And the next. The only way he got out of the stall was when I would come twice a day and get him onto the cross ties to rewrap him.

The shaking in his front leg subsided somewhat, but when he stepped on the leg it would give and wobble a bit. It reminded me of the weakness in my knee when I had a partial ligament tear.

So, on Friday, Dr. Phil came back out. By then the knot had gone away. Blood work indicated that it hadn't been an HYPP episode. The goal was to keep Dude as comfortable as possible. Dr. Phil gave me a steroid anti-inflammatory to apply once a day, and said the weekend would tell the story. We talked a bit about what the future might bring, but I guess I wasn't hearing/wasn't ready to hear that things might be difficult,

Dude was on bute twice a day and getting an injection of Ace in the morning to keep him calm when the other horses were turned out. They also kept Bestie in to keep him company. Amazingly, she tolerated this arrangement well.

He seemed to be doing ok, and I guess I mean by ok that he seemed to be stabilizing. Throughout the whole ordeal, he continued to eat and drink and to be interested in what was going on around him. 

Then, on Monday, barn manager Paula heard a crash. By her account, Dude had fallen through his stall guard and was down on his front knees over the stall guard (the bottom two buckles held) with his rear in the air in his stall. She told me that for a moment he looked at her pitifully, almost like he couldn't get up, then struggled to his feet. By the time I got there, he seemed pretty chipper, much the same as he had been with no apparent ill effects from the fall. 

I had to go out of town on Tuesday for work. I was a nervous wreck worrying about him, but got no calls or texts with bad news; in fact, Julie texted me to say he'd had a good day.

On Wednesday I went back to the barn upon returning home from the one day trip. By this time, he hadn't laid down in almost a week. He had started losing weight. The vet came out again to look at him; this time it was Dr. Emily. I was concerned about the front ligament and whether rehab would be possible. It's funny, I never really thought about his back end, because we had already rehabbed him from two back end injuries. He was still resting his hind leg quite a bit, but would square up occasionally.

Emily has known us a long time. She gave me the gift of telling it to me straight but with great compassion and kindness. She spoke of Dude when we first got him as a huge halter horse, and the dignity and pride that he still had even at 22. She talked about how halter horses typically don't live long lives, and that the fact that Dude had made it to this point was due to our love and good care. She attributed the weight loss to pain. She told me I'd be looking at no turnout for at least 8 weeks, and then, if he was able to go out, we'd be entering the snowy slippery season and one misstep could retweak the injury. She had brought the ultrasound, but listening to her, I got the message. I needed to think about what was best for him. Listening to her, it became clear that, a week after the injury, we were entering a stage where prolonging treatment would likely not be the best scenario for Dude. 

When you get that message, it's still hard to accept, at least it was for me. But then, when I went back to the barn that evening, it became clearer. I was grooming Bestie on the crossties, and Dude was in his stall hanging out and watching. He had already pulled his trick of grabbing the cross tie to reel Bestie in, which always makes me laugh. This time it was so bittersweet.

I glanced over at him, and he was falling asleep on his feet. He hadn't been able to lay down in days. He was teetering, about to drop and I called his name, and he woke up and stabilized himself. I had visions of him falling and not being able to get up. Nighmarish thoughts. And I thought too about his pride and his dignity and I realized I had to make the decision. I wanted him to go peacefully before the pain from these injuries got worse or a more terrible injury occurred.

In tears, I called my husband to fill him in and gather strength to call my daughter, Dude's girl. I then called her and told her all that had happened. I hadn't shared any of this with the family prior to this, it was playing out in such a zig-zaggy way. Poor Katie, the last time we had spoken I had told her about our wonderful ride on the road. He's been part of the family for fourteen years. She was 12 when Dude entered our lives.

I read something online that really resonated, "Better a day too early than a minute too late." Words of wisdom from another person who had to make their own difficult decision for their horse.

The next morning I came to the barn and told Julie that I had made my decision. Amazingly Emily was able to come out around noon, and we were also able to get the man who buries the horses on a nearby farm to come out right around the same time.

I went home for a bit, then came back out to the barn. Emily had just arrived.

I got Dude out of his stall and grazed him for about 15 minutes. He was so happy to get out on grass, he was just voracious. But he was clearly tiring quickly. Emily explained the procedure. We brought him into the indoor arena and she sedated him. He put up his usual cranky fight when he saw the sedation, which made me smile even under the terrible circumstances - he was still Dude. I held his head for a while, then Emily asked me to step to the side. I had thought about what to say to him. In the end I just held his head, laid my check against his. and told him he was a good boy and that it had been an honor.

He dropped peacefully onto his side. I sat in the indoor next to him, running my hand over his neck until the man came with the truck. I thought about all the good times, oh my gosh, there were so many. 

My last glance back at him as I left the indoor, I thought he looked so small. The essence of Dude, his tremendously big spirit and strong will, was gone. I think it was his spirit and will that kept him going over the last week.  I wonder if I should have made the decision sooner. Laying it all out here, perhaps I should have. I don't know. I feel like it wasn't clear until it was clear.

I miss him so much.  I really appreciated his role in my life as a solid guy. He was just one of those horses that you could lean against and regain strength and perspective. He was funny and smart and seemed to think that wherever he was, he was in charge. I think he did feel a sense of responsibility toward us and toward the horses around him. We were all part of Dude's herd.

Rest in peace, Heza Flashy Dude Mr.

Thank you for being part of our family. It truly has been an honor.

Seeing the sights

After we got through a rainy Sunday and Monday, last week turned into a gorgeous week of sun and blue skies. Yesterday morning I walked the loop from our house and around through Underhill Flats. I've been on the treadmill too much this summer, and it felt good to be outside. 

A couple of years ago, for Underhill's 250th anniversary, a local artist led a flag painting project that was open to anyone who wanted to participate. I had never noticed this horsey flag before; it's right on the Underhill Flats green. All the flags are very cheery and I love seeing them as I drive back and forth between home and work along Route 15. It's really fun to see the variety produced by creative people of all ages.

Friday night I rode Bestie. There was a lesson going on in the old indoor arena, so we went down to the new one. The retractable shades have been down all summer, which keeps a nice breeze going through. She was a little distracted, even though nothing much was going on outside. I think it was because we generally don't ride down there much, and she's just not accustomed to the bigger and brighter space. With the shades down, the road and the fields are visible, so there's a lot to check out. It was such a beautiful bright early evening, I definitely was a little rubber necky too, checking out the sights outdoors as we circled around. It was a pleasant ride. It always makes me laugh when we finish and if I don't dismount right away, she turns her head around to nudge my left foot, like "c'mon, we're done."

A spectacular night

Let me start by saying that these pictures don't do tonight justice. AT ALL.

All day it rained. Probably the most rain we've had in weeks.

Then, right as I was leaving the barn, the weather front started moving through from the west.

That meant that the setting sun slowly emerged and was shining toward the black clouds still in the east. 

It completely lit up the hillside across from the barn.

I thought I would hear some sort of triumphant fanfare from the heavens, it was so beautiful.

Then, driving home with one eye on the road and the other on my rear view mirror,

I kept seeing the edge of the front shifting ... and shifting.

The sun emerged completely from the cloud cover as it was setting.

Wow.

I wasn't the only one leaping out of their car with iPhone in hand.

Vermonters love capturing weather drama.

This was  much  more exciting than my plan A for a post - Dude's latest injury, which I'm thinking might be chapter 4 of his autobiography, "101 classic ways to hurt yourself and drive your owner crazy." Chapter 4 would cover going down for a good roll, getting carried away when leaping up, and somehow 1) kicking yourself or 2) kicking up rocks that nick you.


A brief recap from earlier this afternoon...
Text from barn manager Paula: Just letting you know, I put Dude out this morning in the round pen by himself with 4 other horses in the small paddocks. He got excited and did some acrobatics scratching both front legs. I washed him off and applied antibiotic ointment. :(

My reply: Thanks very much. Will he ever just chill???? :)

Reply by barn manager Paula, in person, after I arrived at the barn: "No. He's Dude."

Cleaned him up with Betadine  and poofed a generous cloud of Wonder Dust on his scrapes.

This week at the barn ...

... Dude spotted a hot air balloon. Actually, he didn't spot it, since he couldn't actually look up that high. But as he was grazing and the balloon approached, he definitely noticed the Darth Vader-like muted roar of the burner, and the tiny voices of the people in the basket. This is his "hmmn, what IS that" pose. 

There is actually another balloon just outside of this shot. It was a gorgeous night; no surprise that two of the balloons were coming up the valley as they probably have both mountain and lake views from this flight path. But since the second one was approaching really low to the ground, much lower than the one in this photo, I decided it might be prudent not to tempt fate. Dude and I went back into the barn.

Mousies B Gone

Trying something new. We've had a problem with mice in the tack room at Maple Valley for as long as I've been there. One year they ate one of our bath sponges. One year they chewed a hole in Katie's nicest Western show pad. That made me really angry. 

We've had traps. Spring traps. Sticky traps.

We've let the cats into the tack room.

One fall a couple of years ago I bought one of those electronic things that once plugged in to an outlet emits a noise that only the mice can hear. Supposedly they don't like the noise and stay away. It worked in our garage. But it didn't work in the tack room.

This week, I got Stay Away. Natural pest prevention. "Guaranteed to prevent and control pests in the spaces you live, work and play," it says.

It's made with an odor that is offensive to rodents, but pleasant to people. I have to admit, I like its fresh balsam fir scent, and whatever is in the bag looks like potpourri. Right now the bag is strategically placed on the floor in between the bookcase (which always has poopy evidence of mice) and the big plastic boxes that I keep my horsey stuff in in lieu of a tack trunk. 

The bag has only been in place a couple of days, so I haven't checked for mousy evidence yet. Figured I'd do that when I need some excitement this weekend.

It's supposed to be good for 30 days. If it works, I'll happily spend another $4.99 on a new bag. Just spotting its little label each day makes me want to say in a low, menacing voice toward the recesses of the tack room ... Stay. Away. Rodent. Except my barnmates might wonder about me.

A perfect night for grazing

Last week we had a heat wave of several days, really quite oppressive for Vermont. Midweek the heat broke, and this was the first night that we could spend some quality time grazing without sweltering in the heat and humidity. I was happy. Dude was happy. Bestie was happy. Cool temps and green grass - life is good.

.

New purchases

A few necessary purchases made today at Guy's Farm and Yard, my go-to for horsey stuff. Haven't been there in a while.

A hole on the left side of Dude's flymask near his temple has been slowly getting bigger. I thought that there must be a game of fly mask tugging going on with one of his pasture mates, but barn manager Paula thought he was rubbing his head on his stall door frame in the morning while waiting to go out. In any case, I decided I'd better get him a new one before the loose fabric ends starting poking him in the eye. The Cashel Crusader seems to fit him best; he has such a large jaw that it's kind of hard to find a mask that fits well. (And who knew Cashel has so many different products; I'd never looked at the site before including the link in this entry.)

After looking at a couple options on the shelf at Guy's, I decided to try the Absorbine Fungasol to treat the creeping crud on Dude and Bestie's back hind legs. I've been fighting this all summer. I don't know if it's that the summer has been wetter than normal or what, but I just can't get it to go away. I've been scrubbing with an iodine solution - which has worked in the past - and also with a tea tree oil wash. A couple of times I've felt like I'm making headway, but then I won't get to the barn for a day and it seems to return with a vengeance. So after buying the Fungasol today, I treated them both this afternoon. The instructions say to treat every day until the crud is gone. It has a scent that sort of reminds me of bathroom cleaner, which is kind of odd.

I also bought a couple bags of shavings, which I haven't needed in a few weeks. There for a while I was easily going through two bags a week, but the horses seems to have a thicker layer of shavings in their stalls recently and I haven't felt the need to add any.

I was going to ride Dude today, but there was a bit of thunder and it looked like a storm might blow up. Instead we had a nice long hand graze not too far from the barn in case we had to get inside quickly. Bestie got her usual "lite" graze - she's rather well rounded at this point in the summer.