Another "he's gone" moment

I've been going to the barn most every day, riding Bestie, cleaning tack, mucking out her stall, doing the usual. I still have Dude's halter hanging in my tack cubby, along with a couple of happy birthday signs I'd made for him in the last few years. I definitely still think of him often, but that terrible heavy ache is for the most part gone. So I was pretty surprised by my reaction last weekend when I got to the barn and saw that a new wooden sign for the horse that's now in Dude's old stall had gone up over the door.

For the last month and a half that the horse, Rio, has been in there, he's had a paper sign with his name written on it tacked over Dude's old stall sign. That bothered me for a bit, but I got used to it. I kind of liked seeing Dude's name peeking out when the paper would flap in the breeze. It seemed very Dude-ish, in keeping with his unretiring, "hello what about me" personality.

But when I saw Rio's new sign, it really hit me again that Dude's gone. Hit me like tears welled up. Gone gone gone. No sign. No tangible, visible evidence of his presence. I think having Rio's paper sign over Dude's wooden sign made me feel that there was still a little bit of Dude hanging about the barn. Maybe it's crazy, but I think that's what it meant to me. That Rio was the temporary one. That Dude couldn't be replaced.

Rio's new sign is lovely - the colors evoke carnival in Brazil and the design is really fun. Boarder Bev painted it. When I ran into her a couple days later, I complimented her on it and mentioned my reaction. She was sort of matter of fact, saying something like "part of moving on." Seems that moving on has an awful lot of parts.

Grooming night

At some point between leaving work, going home to let the dogs out, and arriving at the barn, my energy level hit tock bottom tonight. So I decided to make it a Beautification Night for Bestie, and she certainly didn't seem too broken up about not going for a ride. Plus, tomorrow night is the better choice for riding as it looks like temperatures will be in the upper 30s versus the upper 20s that we experienced today. I think that little increase will help with my energy level.

Bestie sort of dozed off on the cross ties while I groomed her. She had rolled outside, and while her turnout sheet had taken the brunt of the mud, she did manage to cake mud on both sides of her neck, her mane, and her knees and hocks. And there was quite a bit packed in her hooves. 

I feel like her feet have all of a sudden gotten quite long and sort of splayed out, particularly in the front, with some rough edges and little cracks. Generally her hooves are picture perfect so I'm not sure what's causing the excess growth and raggedness. It has been a month of temperature ups and downs, plus a mix of dry and wet spells; maybe all of that has had an impact. I checked the calendar and saw with relief that farrier Jen is due to come on Wednesday. Good timing - Bestie will get a pedicure this week, too. :)

Bestie and I have a program

She's so cute. She looks kind of out of proportion in this photo but that's photographer error. :)

I started taking lessons with Bestie in the middle of October. This is our third go-round; I'm not the most consistent of lesson students. First round was with former barn manager Emma (probably 5 years ago), then with former barn manager Caitlin (probably 3 years ago), and currently with Paula, who was our barn manager until November 1 and now is boarding her own horse and teaching.

I feel like I'm getting a second chance with Bestie. Since the girls left and I've been the horse mom, she definitely played second fiddle to Dude. He was just more demanding. For instance, when I got to the barn, he was the one who emphatically wanted to get out of the stall. So I'd get him out first. He dropped weight easily, so he got hand grazed more. Stuff like that. She's been very accepting of her role as The One Who Has To Wait.

But now, she's my girl. I have a sense that initially she may have thought, "What the heck is going on here with all this RIDING?" But I think she likes it now. It's good for us to have a program. Healthier for her than just me getting on for a ride every now and again. It's given me some focus after Dude's loss. And I feel like his loss has put a bittersweet spin on my relationship with Bestie. You just never know how long you'll have them in your life. I'd love to develop a partnership, more than my role as the Treats and Grooming Lady.  A partnership definitely has to be worked on and earned, as she is a complicated mare.

Paula gives a little homework, and we practice. It's simple stuff. Basically me asking quietly but firmly for respect. Halting. Smooth turns. Consistency at the walk and trot.  I never took lessons growing up so have bad habits and need instruction on the finesse of riding. And Bestie can be a tempermental and opinionated girl. I spend a lot of time reading her and working around her opinions. It's never boring, and I like that for the duration of the ride or the lesson, that is all I think about.

Paula is really calm and patient, which is just what we need. She's a great observer of the way Bestie rolls and helps me to not escalate the situation when Bestie's timer goes off. I will say that her  24-minute timer slowly has been extended to a solid 30 minutes. I'm really pleased with that. I think my confidence has grown and also that the lessons have made us more in tune with each other. Our last lesson was a solid hour and she really didn't express her opinions too strongly. It's very gratifying.

Working through loss

October was a hard month. There were a few days in the first couple weeks after saying goodbye to Dude that I gladly would have stayed in bed if I hadn't needed to get up with the dogs. I felt like I was on autopilot.

But while on autopilot for the daily stuff (take care of the dogs, go to work, come home and take care of the dogs, go to barn for Bestie), there were a few instances when I felt hit over the head again with his loss.

One was of course the first night I came back to the barn. Bad.
One was writing the board check for just Bestie.
One was paying the bill for the vet visits (and I still have a bill coming for the final visit).
One was seeing a new horse in his stall and the new horse's name written on a paper sign stuck over Dude's stall door sign.

With all of these I felt a heavy, heavy weight of sadness. Tears came easily.

I've been reading a book entitled The Undefeated Mind. The quickie summary is that it's about being resilient. One chapter talks about stages of change as applied to loss, and this chapter really resonated with me. The first stage is precontemplation, where accepting a loss has not yet occurred. I would say that was the stage I was at through the last week in October. Then comes contemplation, which is not so tied up with the emotions of loss but you recognize that you're still attached to what you've lost. Then comes preparation, where you recognize that action is needed to let go. And the final stage is action.

I'd say I'm somewhere in the middle. I feel like I've gotten to a place that is not so emotional, but not quite ready to let go. Or, I should say, not quite ready to let go unless I can do it in the way I feel is necessary, which is to honor Dude. I couldn't just sell all his stuff. I feel that I need to shed anything I don't need to keep in a mindful way. My first small step was in giving his almost-full bag of rice bran to a boarder at the barn who feels her horse is losing weight. It made me feel good to give it to her. And I gave his turnout sheet to another boarder who has been a friend and always fun to be around, and her horse has a personality full of funny quirks like Dude. It makes me feel happy to see him in the sheet.

I like the thought of doling out his things in a way that matters, like a bit of Dude is going to still be present in a way that makes me happy and touches others. Small steps. There is a lot more to do, but really, there's no rush.

There have been moments of shared memories with people who knew him and some laughs about his idiosyncrasies. And just yesterday I got a card from our vets with really kind thoughts shared by everyone in the practice.

I've thought a lot about grief in the last year and a half, between losing my mom and now losing Dude. I've welcomed the questions of "how are you doing?" - I feel like each time I can answer that question, it helps me move along the spectrum of grief. I'm thankful to the people who have asked, and who have listened to my answer. 5 weeks later, I still have moments when I can't believe he's gone. But I feel like I'm no longer at a stage where there's so much raw emotion, and while I still feel sadness, I can celebrate the good memories and the joy that he brought to my life.

Remembering

Yesterday marked two weeks since I said goodbye to Dude. It hasn't been easy.

The worst was the first day I came back to the barn, which was the Sunday after he died. Terrible.

I am so grateful for the support I've received. So many people have shared their sympathies.

Everyone at the barn has been great with messages of support, cards, hugs, and shared memories. Many have told me how they thought he was special. All these kind words have made me feel better.

I was feeling pretty sorry for myself, having to walk by the empty stall every day, until I talked to my daughter a week after he left us. She said that the hardest thing was that no one around her gets it. They may have had to say goodbye to a dog, but not to a horse. It's different, losing a horse. Her observation made me feel so very grateful that I am surrounded by people who truly understand what it's like.

I have his flannel wraps in the car still; somehow, it's comforting. I can walk by the stall now without getting teary eyed, most of the time. And I see things like the shavings bag above without getting teary eyed. They were a twosome for so long, Dude and Bestie. I caught myself tonight talking to someone about how I miss them when I can't come to the barn. But it's not "them" anymore, it's her.

I'm watching Bestie. She has seemed a little down over the last two weeks. Nothing I can put my finger on, apart from a loss of spark. She's still eating with gusto. The only concrete thing I've noticed is that she doesn't whinny when I come into the barn. They used to both whinny or nicker as soon as they heard my voice each day that I came to the barn. Now, she looks up (she's usually eating hay) when I get to her stall, but she hasn't nickered or whinnied at me since we lost Dude. The funny thing about that day was that after staying in with him quietly each day, on that day, barn owner Julie said Bestie was raring to go out, like her timer had run out. I thought briefly about bringing her in to see his body after the vet was done, but didn't do it. I'm wondering what she's thinking about the empty stall next door.

Tonight Bestie and I had a lesson. It's our first lesson in about three years. She seemed more animated during it, and afterwards, than she has been over the last two weeks. Maybe for her, as with me, it's a matter of time. 

Not too long after I put my dog Dixie down, I read the following quote from Thomas Jefferson to John Adams, expressing sympathy over the death of Adams' daughter. It really touched me then and continues to touch me with the depth of feeling it conveys.

There is no degree of affliction produced by the loss of those dear to us which experience has not taught me to estimate. I have ever found time and silence the only medicine, and these but assuage, they never can suppress, the deep drawn sigh which recollection forever brings up, until recollection and life are extinguished together.

Saying goodbye to Dude

On October 1, I said goodbye to Dude.

It was very sudden. I think it has taken me so long to write this because I still can't wrap my head around it. And the sadness is very deep.

On Sunday, September 20, we had a nice ride out in the back field with boarder Emily and her horse, Dude's pasture buddy Target.

On Tuesday, September 22, we had a nice ride down the road with barn owner Julie and boarder Katie and their horses Sky and Rocky.

Both rides were at the walk for about a half hour to 40 minutes and Dude seemed alert and happy. He was a superstar on the road. That ride went so well I started thinking about a better saddle pad, and how many rides we could get in before it got too cold to be out on the road.

On Wednesday, September 23, Julie called me at work at about 3 pm, right as I was setting up for an event. She said that they had noticed that Dude was lame in the hind end when they brought him in, that he laid down once he got in, and that they thought he was tying up because his muscles were quivering. The other thought was that he was having an HYPP episode. I said that I would get there as soon as I could get away from work, which would likely be around 6 pm.

The vet was called. In the interim, they got Dude up, and Renee, Maddie's former trainer who is working with some folks at the barn, rubbed him down to loosen him up. Someone later told me that she did that for 45 minutes. Amazing, and I'm so grateful.

When I got to the barn, he was alert, but resting his back right leg and shaking in his left front leg, which he kept propped slightly out in front. I noticed right away that he had a swollen knot on the rear of his left front leg. It freaked me out, like the ligament had popped or something. I called the vet, and he said that Dude had likely sustained a ligament injury from supporting himself heavily in the front; that the ligament injury must've occurred after they looked at him earlier.

I got wraps, and got him out of the stall slowly. We came out of the stall on a slight curve to the left, so he could then take a couple steps backwards to be placed on the crossties. It broke my heart; I cried seeing him come out basically two-legged lame but after negotiating the step out he seemed to do all right. 

Dude seemed like he had fallen off a cliff, from happy and active to struggling.

The next day he stayed in, wrapped and on bute. Ditto for the next day. And the next. And the next. The only way he got out of the stall was when I would come twice a day and get him onto the cross ties to rewrap him.

The shaking in his front leg subsided somewhat, but when he stepped on the leg it would give and wobble a bit. It reminded me of the weakness in my knee when I had a partial ligament tear.

So, on Friday, Dr. Phil came back out. By then the knot had gone away. Blood work indicated that it hadn't been an HYPP episode. The goal was to keep Dude as comfortable as possible. Dr. Phil gave me a steroid anti-inflammatory to apply once a day, and said the weekend would tell the story. We talked a bit about what the future might bring, but I guess I wasn't hearing/wasn't ready to hear that things might be difficult,

Dude was on bute twice a day and getting an injection of Ace in the morning to keep him calm when the other horses were turned out. They also kept Bestie in to keep him company. Amazingly, she tolerated this arrangement well.

He seemed to be doing ok, and I guess I mean by ok that he seemed to be stabilizing. Throughout the whole ordeal, he continued to eat and drink and to be interested in what was going on around him. 

Then, on Monday, barn manager Paula heard a crash. By her account, Dude had fallen through his stall guard and was down on his front knees over the stall guard (the bottom two buckles held) with his rear in the air in his stall. She told me that for a moment he looked at her pitifully, almost like he couldn't get up, then struggled to his feet. By the time I got there, he seemed pretty chipper, much the same as he had been with no apparent ill effects from the fall. 

I had to go out of town on Tuesday for work. I was a nervous wreck worrying about him, but got no calls or texts with bad news; in fact, Julie texted me to say he'd had a good day.

On Wednesday I went back to the barn upon returning home from the one day trip. By this time, he hadn't laid down in almost a week. He had started losing weight. The vet came out again to look at him; this time it was Dr. Emily. I was concerned about the front ligament and whether rehab would be possible. It's funny, I never really thought about his back end, because we had already rehabbed him from two back end injuries. He was still resting his hind leg quite a bit, but would square up occasionally.

Emily has known us a long time. She gave me the gift of telling it to me straight but with great compassion and kindness. She spoke of Dude when we first got him as a huge halter horse, and the dignity and pride that he still had even at 22. She talked about how halter horses typically don't live long lives, and that the fact that Dude had made it to this point was due to our love and good care. She attributed the weight loss to pain. She told me I'd be looking at no turnout for at least 8 weeks, and then, if he was able to go out, we'd be entering the snowy slippery season and one misstep could retweak the injury. She had brought the ultrasound, but listening to her, I got the message. I needed to think about what was best for him. Listening to her, it became clear that, a week after the injury, we were entering a stage where prolonging treatment would likely not be the best scenario for Dude. 

When you get that message, it's still hard to accept, at least it was for me. But then, when I went back to the barn that evening, it became clearer. I was grooming Bestie on the crossties, and Dude was in his stall hanging out and watching. He had already pulled his trick of grabbing the cross tie to reel Bestie in, which always makes me laugh. This time it was so bittersweet.

I glanced over at him, and he was falling asleep on his feet. He hadn't been able to lay down in days. He was teetering, about to drop and I called his name, and he woke up and stabilized himself. I had visions of him falling and not being able to get up. Nighmarish thoughts. And I thought too about his pride and his dignity and I realized I had to make the decision. I wanted him to go peacefully before the pain from these injuries got worse or a more terrible injury occurred.

In tears, I called my husband to fill him in and gather strength to call my daughter, Dude's girl. I then called her and told her all that had happened. I hadn't shared any of this with the family prior to this, it was playing out in such a zig-zaggy way. Poor Katie, the last time we had spoken I had told her about our wonderful ride on the road. He's been part of the family for fourteen years. She was 12 when Dude entered our lives.

I read something online that really resonated, "Better a day too early than a minute too late." Words of wisdom from another person who had to make their own difficult decision for their horse.

The next morning I came to the barn and told Julie that I had made my decision. Amazingly Emily was able to come out around noon, and we were also able to get the man who buries the horses on a nearby farm to come out right around the same time.

I went home for a bit, then came back out to the barn. Emily had just arrived.

I got Dude out of his stall and grazed him for about 15 minutes. He was so happy to get out on grass, he was just voracious. But he was clearly tiring quickly. Emily explained the procedure. We brought him into the indoor arena and she sedated him. He put up his usual cranky fight when he saw the sedation, which made me smile even under the terrible circumstances - he was still Dude. I held his head for a while, then Emily asked me to step to the side. I had thought about what to say to him. In the end I just held his head, laid my check against his. and told him he was a good boy and that it had been an honor.

He dropped peacefully onto his side. I sat in the indoor next to him, running my hand over his neck until the man came with the truck. I thought about all the good times, oh my gosh, there were so many. 

My last glance back at him as I left the indoor, I thought he looked so small. The essence of Dude, his tremendously big spirit and strong will, was gone. I think it was his spirit and will that kept him going over the last week.  I wonder if I should have made the decision sooner. Laying it all out here, perhaps I should have. I don't know. I feel like it wasn't clear until it was clear.

I miss him so much.  I really appreciated his role in my life as a solid guy. He was just one of those horses that you could lean against and regain strength and perspective. He was funny and smart and seemed to think that wherever he was, he was in charge. I think he did feel a sense of responsibility toward us and toward the horses around him. We were all part of Dude's herd.

Rest in peace, Heza Flashy Dude Mr.

Thank you for being part of our family. It truly has been an honor.

Seeing the sights

After we got through a rainy Sunday and Monday, last week turned into a gorgeous week of sun and blue skies. Yesterday morning I walked the loop from our house and around through Underhill Flats. I've been on the treadmill too much this summer, and it felt good to be outside. 

A couple of years ago, for Underhill's 250th anniversary, a local artist led a flag painting project that was open to anyone who wanted to participate. I had never noticed this horsey flag before; it's right on the Underhill Flats green. All the flags are very cheery and I love seeing them as I drive back and forth between home and work along Route 15. It's really fun to see the variety produced by creative people of all ages.

Friday night I rode Bestie. There was a lesson going on in the old indoor arena, so we went down to the new one. The retractable shades have been down all summer, which keeps a nice breeze going through. She was a little distracted, even though nothing much was going on outside. I think it was because we generally don't ride down there much, and she's just not accustomed to the bigger and brighter space. With the shades down, the road and the fields are visible, so there's a lot to check out. It was such a beautiful bright early evening, I definitely was a little rubber necky too, checking out the sights outdoors as we circled around. It was a pleasant ride. It always makes me laugh when we finish and if I don't dismount right away, she turns her head around to nudge my left foot, like "c'mon, we're done."

A spectacular night

Let me start by saying that these pictures don't do tonight justice. AT ALL.

All day it rained. Probably the most rain we've had in weeks.

Then, right as I was leaving the barn, the weather front started moving through from the west.

That meant that the setting sun slowly emerged and was shining toward the black clouds still in the east. 

It completely lit up the hillside across from the barn.

I thought I would hear some sort of triumphant fanfare from the heavens, it was so beautiful.

Then, driving home with one eye on the road and the other on my rear view mirror,

I kept seeing the edge of the front shifting ... and shifting.

The sun emerged completely from the cloud cover as it was setting.

Wow.

I wasn't the only one leaping out of their car with iPhone in hand.

Vermonters love capturing weather drama.

This was  much  more exciting than my plan A for a post - Dude's latest injury, which I'm thinking might be chapter 4 of his autobiography, "101 classic ways to hurt yourself and drive your owner crazy." Chapter 4 would cover going down for a good roll, getting carried away when leaping up, and somehow 1) kicking yourself or 2) kicking up rocks that nick you.


A brief recap from earlier this afternoon...
Text from barn manager Paula: Just letting you know, I put Dude out this morning in the round pen by himself with 4 other horses in the small paddocks. He got excited and did some acrobatics scratching both front legs. I washed him off and applied antibiotic ointment. :(

My reply: Thanks very much. Will he ever just chill???? :)

Reply by barn manager Paula, in person, after I arrived at the barn: "No. He's Dude."

Cleaned him up with Betadine  and poofed a generous cloud of Wonder Dust on his scrapes.

This week at the barn ...

... Dude spotted a hot air balloon. Actually, he didn't spot it, since he couldn't actually look up that high. But as he was grazing and the balloon approached, he definitely noticed the Darth Vader-like muted roar of the burner, and the tiny voices of the people in the basket. This is his "hmmn, what IS that" pose. 

There is actually another balloon just outside of this shot. It was a gorgeous night; no surprise that two of the balloons were coming up the valley as they probably have both mountain and lake views from this flight path. But since the second one was approaching really low to the ground, much lower than the one in this photo, I decided it might be prudent not to tempt fate. Dude and I went back into the barn.

Mousies B Gone

Trying something new. We've had a problem with mice in the tack room at Maple Valley for as long as I've been there. One year they ate one of our bath sponges. One year they chewed a hole in Katie's nicest Western show pad. That made me really angry. 

We've had traps. Spring traps. Sticky traps.

We've let the cats into the tack room.

One fall a couple of years ago I bought one of those electronic things that once plugged in to an outlet emits a noise that only the mice can hear. Supposedly they don't like the noise and stay away. It worked in our garage. But it didn't work in the tack room.

This week, I got Stay Away. Natural pest prevention. "Guaranteed to prevent and control pests in the spaces you live, work and play," it says.

It's made with an odor that is offensive to rodents, but pleasant to people. I have to admit, I like its fresh balsam fir scent, and whatever is in the bag looks like potpourri. Right now the bag is strategically placed on the floor in between the bookcase (which always has poopy evidence of mice) and the big plastic boxes that I keep my horsey stuff in in lieu of a tack trunk. 

The bag has only been in place a couple of days, so I haven't checked for mousy evidence yet. Figured I'd do that when I need some excitement this weekend.

It's supposed to be good for 30 days. If it works, I'll happily spend another $4.99 on a new bag. Just spotting its little label each day makes me want to say in a low, menacing voice toward the recesses of the tack room ... Stay. Away. Rodent. Except my barnmates might wonder about me.

A perfect night for grazing

Last week we had a heat wave of several days, really quite oppressive for Vermont. Midweek the heat broke, and this was the first night that we could spend some quality time grazing without sweltering in the heat and humidity. I was happy. Dude was happy. Bestie was happy. Cool temps and green grass - life is good.

.

New purchases

A few necessary purchases made today at Guy's Farm and Yard, my go-to for horsey stuff. Haven't been there in a while.

A hole on the left side of Dude's flymask near his temple has been slowly getting bigger. I thought that there must be a game of fly mask tugging going on with one of his pasture mates, but barn manager Paula thought he was rubbing his head on his stall door frame in the morning while waiting to go out. In any case, I decided I'd better get him a new one before the loose fabric ends starting poking him in the eye. The Cashel Crusader seems to fit him best; he has such a large jaw that it's kind of hard to find a mask that fits well. (And who knew Cashel has so many different products; I'd never looked at the site before including the link in this entry.)

After looking at a couple options on the shelf at Guy's, I decided to try the Absorbine Fungasol to treat the creeping crud on Dude and Bestie's back hind legs. I've been fighting this all summer. I don't know if it's that the summer has been wetter than normal or what, but I just can't get it to go away. I've been scrubbing with an iodine solution - which has worked in the past - and also with a tea tree oil wash. A couple of times I've felt like I'm making headway, but then I won't get to the barn for a day and it seems to return with a vengeance. So after buying the Fungasol today, I treated them both this afternoon. The instructions say to treat every day until the crud is gone. It has a scent that sort of reminds me of bathroom cleaner, which is kind of odd.

I also bought a couple bags of shavings, which I haven't needed in a few weeks. There for a while I was easily going through two bags a week, but the horses seems to have a thicker layer of shavings in their stalls recently and I haven't felt the need to add any.

I was going to ride Dude today, but there was a bit of thunder and it looked like a storm might blow up. Instead we had a nice long hand graze not too far from the barn in case we had to get inside quickly. Bestie got her usual "lite" graze - she's rather well rounded at this point in the summer.

Barn art

Boarder Bev is an amazingly talented artist. With new horses in the barn she is doing a bunch of new stall signs. These are some of my favorite signs ... the photos don't truly do the signs justice. 

How much does calm cost?

Dude's been having some difficulties over the last two days. 

At feeding time early yesterday morning, he was all sweaty, and his stall looked like he had been pacing for a while. The barn folks gave him a tiny bit of grain and went ahead and turned him out with his buddies. It was a cool and comfortable morning, and he settled once outside. Julie from the barn called to let me know about Dude's troubles.

When the horses came in from turnout in the afternoon he was kind of antsy. The barn folks wondered if his neighbor Sirius's departure for a show the day before had set him off, so they swapped him and Bestie, so that Dude would have Bubba (the definition of "laid back") on one side and Willow on the other. He settled.

I went to the barn later in the day, and he seemed a bit on edge, but nothing really out of the ordinary. I saddled him up and rode him out to the outdoor ring, and he was fine. Fine, meaning his usual pokey self heading out, and speedier self heading back in. Fine.

This morning, I got another call from Julie. Dude was doing all right in his new digs, but Bestie and her new neighbor Eve were NOT getting along. There was lots of kicking of walls, and Julie was worried about both horses. So, musical stalls again ... Bestie got moved to Sirius's stall, Dude got moved back into his old stall, and Sirius (when he returns tonight) will find himself in Bestie's old stall.

The horses didn't go out today because of rain, and I guess Dude was pretty worked up in the morning. Barn manager Paula ended up putting him on cross ties, where he settled down. Then he returned to his stall, where he hung out with his stall guard up. Mr. Demanding - he must be driving everyone nuts, but they are being very gracious and accommodating.

What is causing all of this commotion is a mystery to all of us. Dude had a bad time when his former neighbor Berry left a month or so ago, so maybe Sirius's departure for his show was just a bit more than Dude could take for departures. He is a horse that likes his world orderly, most definitely. And new horses (two of them) moved into his area of the barn yesterday, so there has been some upheaval adding to his neighbor's temporary absence.

The bottom line is that he just can't keep getting worked up, it's not good for him. After today's phone call, off I went to Guy's Farm & Yard to get some magic mellowing potion. I ended up with Vita Flex Vision and our old stand-by, Mellow Out. Vision got mixed into his supplements for the next few days (ha - literally an ounce of prevention), and I gave him the Mellow Out on a cookie this afternoon. For calming aromatherapy, Amelia gave me some lavender oil, which I rubbed onto his nose. He smells like he's been to the spa.

Fingers crossed that the Vision and Mellow Out work. If they do, then calm cost $60. Bur really, with horses, calm is priceless.   

Now play nice, girls

Bestie's buddy Sadie left several weeks ago, and Bestie has been going out by herself ever since. There just weren't good mare dynamics at the barn to set her up with a new buddy. But it's not optimal for the property to keep her alone long term, especially since I don't want to pay for solo turnout.

For the last couple of weeks she's been turned out adjacent to an older mare, Sienna, whose pasture buddy also left. Bestie and Sienna have been walked out and walked in together and got along fine and also seemed to coexist in their adjacent pastures with no problem. Earlier today Sienna's owner and I received an email from barn owner Julie asking what we thought about trying the two mares together. We agreed to give it a shot if we could both be there.

So tonight we tried it. Tried it - intentional choice of words. I had kind of a feeling when I got to the barn and Bestie was lunging at both of her neighbors through the wire at the top of the stall walls, which she typically only does when she's in heat.

We walked them out (Bestie trotted the whole way, also not a positive sign) and turned them loose, Sienna first, and then a minute later, Bestie. Kind of anticlimactic - Sienna went to one corner and Bestie went to the other. They didn't even look at each other. Sienna was much more interested in Turbo, who was in a paddock a bit down the hill. And Bestie was much more interested in eating grass.

Bestie grazed along the perimeter until she finally munched her way to Sienna's corner. Turbo had been brought in, so Sienna, no longer distracted, seemed to suddenly realize that there was another horse in the paddock with her. They both sniffed each other's faces, then sniffed down each other's bodies from neck to tail, and then moved away from each other. No pinned ears, no squeals, no nothing. "Whew," was my thought.

I whewed too soon. All of a sudden all hell broke loose; it seemed like Bestie moved back toward Sienna, but they both started kicking and I don't even know who launched the first kick. We started making noise and they moved away from each other again, but definitely continued giving each other the hairy eyeball.

We got them clipped into lead ropes and headed inside. I didn't even check Bestie very thoroughly; after giving her a quick onceover and not seeing anything I turned my attention to Dude.

But while I was grazing Dude, Sienna's owner came out to say she had seen blood on Bestie's rear right hind. Very eagle-eyed of her. I took a look at it and Bestie did have a little nick, but nothing at all serious. We lucked out, considering that Sienna has hind shoes on.

Sienna got a gouge on her left rear leg.

After reading a bunch of stuff online tonight, I'm tempted to try them again, but ... 1) with no other horses out there, and 2) when neither mare is in heat. They have both gotten along fine with previous pasture mates. We're just asking for peaceful coexistence, girls. Not much.

Dude and Cullen, together again

Well, kind of.

Dude and Cullen boarded together at our first barn, and again at our second barn. Cullen moved to barn #2 before Dude. When Dude was moved to the second barn after not seeing Cullen for a couple months, he was turned out in Cullen's field. Upon spotting each other, they both trotted toward each other nickering while we all went "awwwwwwwwwwwww."

Now they've been reunited after a break of, gosh, I'm not even sure how long - maybe seven years. There were high hopes that the bromance would continue. Dude was having some difficulties coexisting happily with his pasture mates, so it seemed like the perfect solution to pair him with Cullen.

The photo below is of their reintroduction. I actually was trying to video them, not take a photo. :) Cullen got cut off from the photo; that's his hip and stomach on the right. It was funny that Dude actually stopped chewing his hay and went to the door to see Cullen with the hay hanging out of his mouth. They nuzzled a little bit and then Cullen lost interest. I think the poor guy was a bit overstimulated; he had just moved in about a half hour prior. Lots of new stuff to focus on, let alone a bunch of people standing around him in the aisle to watch him meet another horse.

The next day, Dude and Cullen were turned out together. Apparently all went well for a bit. They both rolled and started grazing, but at some point, it was like Dude decided that he did not want Cullen in his field. He started herding Cullen around, so someone went out and separated them. I got this report upon arriving at the barn that evening - a report on my difficult kid. The next day Dude was reintroduced to his old pasture mates, and they've been doing fine.

Today Dude was on the cross ties right by Cullen's stall when Cullen was brought in. I watched Dude and he got really alert and interested as Cullen came closer. I still think there's a connection. :)

Bestie has a birthday and Dude has a bad day

April 30 was Bestie's birthday, 19 years young. She celebrated with a carrot. I usually don't go to the barn on Thursdays because of yoga, but because I was going to be away over the weekend and because it was her birthday, I drove over there after class. There was just enough light to get them both outdoors for a few minutes of grazing. The fields are still mucky, and not all of the fields are usable, so the horses are on short rotations of a couple hours outside in order to give all of them some much needed outdoors time.

Bestie's longtime pasture mate Sadie left last week. They've been going out together almost since we arrived at Maple Valley, so, hmmn, I would guess 6 years or so. They just kind of did their own thing happily in the field - primarily grazing, with occasional acknowledgements of each other's presence. It seemed like a pretty peaceful relationship. To my knowledge, there was only one mysterious altercation in all those years. That occurred in the last month, a little tiff with no repercussions, thank goodness. Sadie is being leased by a young girl, who took her home for the summer. Bestie seems no worse for wear over Sadie's departure.

Now, Dude, on the other hand...

Dude's bad day was yesterday. I got to the barn after work and from the wild and woolly look of him, I could tell that he had gotten worked up about something. Barn manager Paula filled me in. Dude's girlfriend on the left, Berry, had left Sunday to go to a new barn, and a gelding moved in to her former stall. Dude was Not Happy about that. And Eve, on his other side, is in major heat, constantly whinnying and swishing her tail at him. So even though he generally is not attached to her, for the moment, he thinks he is. Also, when they did the turnout shift swap, it made Dude Very Angry to have to come in. But when they put him back out, he took out his anger on his pasture mate Nate, bossing poor Nate around and boxing him into a corner of the field.

So Dude was brought in to hang out in his stall with some hay, which most horses would be perfectly fine with. But by the time I arrived, it was clear he'd been stewing all afternoon. It was like he had decided he was mad at the world but couldn't really remember what made him so mad. Paula quietly observed that it was just not a good day for Dude. I took him out for a half hour of grazing ... the magic cure to calm. And today he was fine. He didn't even look at Eve when she started carrying on. Kind of embarrassing for her.

Time for a saddle cleaning

I was a total loser as a rider this winter - just couldn't do it with the frigid temperatures. Particularly in the older indoor with the metal walls, it was like riding in a freezer. Not fun. My last ride for the winter on Bestie was in early January, and I just got back on her (once) about a week ago.

In the interim, the saddles accumulated a lot of dust in the tack room. 

A couple weeks ago the May issue of Western Horseman arrived, and I read the article "The Secret of Suds" with interest. The saddle cleaning tips in the article are the shared wisdom of Canadian saddlemaker Ken Cameron. 

I liked it right away because he started with the assumption that  your saddle had not been used all winter because you'd been in hibernation. Yep.

I learned that my main problem is rushing the job. I soap it up, rub it down, apply conditioner, and off I go. To do it right, you should soap it up - and Mr. Cameron is ALL about plenty of soap suds; in fact, he describes the goal in the soaping process as "a froth." The next step is to let it dry for two or three days before doing anything more. Giving it plenty of time to dry minimizes the chance of rot, particularly if you're applying some sort of sealant/conditioner-type material after cleaning.

I learned that Murphy's Oil Soap can be used as a saddle cleaner.

I learned that using too much oil in our damper climate could lead to mold and mildew.

All in all, a very useful read.

While I couldn't find the actual WH article online, Mr. Cameron does share his tips here

4H Regional Day

I've been on the county 4H Foundation board for quite a while, and somehow have never been been an evaluator at Regional Day, which was held this past Saturday. Folks were needed to evaluate, so off I went to the middle school in Burlington where the event was held. It was so much fun!

Six of us were there to evaluate tabletops. I think I was the only one who hadn't been to evaluate at Regional Day previously; there were actually a few "pros" who come every year because they enjoy it so much. We broke into pairs and each pair of evaluators looked at roughly 7-8 projects. 

We had a sheet with criteria to measure on a point spread, and looked at things like use of space, design, whether they included the sources or not, neatness, etc. We looked at the age of the 4H member in order to assess their work and also read their written reflection on their project that include their goals and what they learned.

My co-evaluator Elaine and I spent about 20 minutes with each project. We'd give it the once-over, then work our way through the criteria with quite a bit of discussion. 

Projects ranged from model barn plans to robotics to items needed for hunting to facts about polo. Honestly, all the projects were really well done and informative. In fact, we gave every project we looked at a blue ribbon (although since they were scored with a point system, while they all fell into the blue ribbon category, some received more points than others). 

I enjoyed the little touches, like  a particularly beautiful color scheme or the model barn project that even had a little water in the tiny horse trough! I especially loved the fact that a couple of the horse businesses developed as tabletops (a summer camp and a rescue horse barn) even had references to checking out the business on social media. :)

Not that I needed a reminder about what a wonderful organization 4H is, but being part of the day underscored to me again how many opportunities 4H membership offers kids. It was really great to see the kids in action. Nothing like all that energy and enthusiasm to refresh my perspective on our monthly business meetings! 

Horse books

I'm currently reading The Horse Boy by Rupert Isaacson. It's the story of his and his wife's efforts to find healing for their young son Rowan, who has autism. Rupert stumbles upon the calming effect that horses have on Rowan, and this discovery along with a connection to spiritual healers takes the family to Outer Mongolia on a quest to heal Rowan. A trip born out of love and desperation. I'm about a third of the way through the book, and they have arrived in Mongolia and connected with a group of shamans. I was tempted to skip work today and just stay home and read.

Reading The Horse Boy has made me think back to all the books I've read and loved over the years that have horses as part of the story. As a kid I belonged to some sort of "horse book of the month" club, and that's where I got many of the books above, which I still haven't parted with. I remember being so excited when a new one would arrive. They're pretty dog eared; many of them I read them multiple times. Flipping through the Thelwell ponies set still makes me laugh. The illustrations are so awesome and the situations so recognizable to anyone who has spent time with horses.

Son of the Black Stallion is really in bad shape; it's the book in the upper right hand corner of the photo above with the missing spine binding. I don't remember the particulars of how I got it - if the school library was getting rid of old books or if I checked it out and, once in my clutches, never returned it. Looking at the dates on the checkout card, 1972 would have been 5th grade. My name is on the card, as are the names of lots of my friends. The names bring back fun memories, as do the books. We were all horse crazy.

Frolicking with Dude

Now that we're well into March, we're getting out of the deep freeze ... kind of. Like today, I woke up to 8 degrees, but the temperatures made it into the high 20s. And it was sunny, so some melting of the snow occurred.

This pattern has happened a few times now, and the fields are starting to take a beating. They're not exactly icy, but the snow has melted in some spots and refrozen in others so there's this mix of bare ground, some ice, and weird crusty stuff.

When I have the time, I've been taking Dude and Bestie into the indoor to walk them around so they can stretch their legs. Dude in particular has been pretty full of himself on these walks. Barn manager Paula said that he's really tentative outside and doesn't seem to like the crunchy footing, so I guess he's looking to blow off some steam.

About a week ago I brought him in to the arena to handwalk him, and he dropped and rolled, then leapt up, reared, and bucked all in one fluid motion. It was quite impressive - the fluidity, that is. Not the rear and buck, as he only got about a foot off the ground. Last Sunday he must've rolled at least four times - since he can't fully roll over, four times in Dude's world is roll to the left, get up, roll to the right, get up, repeat. Then he pranced up to me and snorted and sort of pushed at my arm, which we've always taken to mean he wants  to play.

So we ran down to the other end of the arena. When I stopped to look out the window, he ran in a circle then came running at me, veering off when he got about 6 feet from me. That is his favorite trick when he's loose in the arena. I hold my spot, he veers off, and then he almost always stops and looks back at me.

He's so crazy. Bestie never does stuff like that. If I take her in to handwalk her, she rolls, then sedately gets up and looks at me like, "Ok, I'm done. Now what?"

In an attempt to delve into Dude's psyche, I Googled all kinds of phrases, including "romping with your horse." That one turned up lots of videos of horses playing together. Fun to watch, but not quite what I was looking for. I did find a site belonging to trainer Franklin Levinson in which he answers a question from a woman asking about the meaning of her horse bucking alongside her during ground work.

In his reply, Levinson said, "I would suggest not trying to figure your horse out too much. ... Could be the animal was simply playing and enjoying being with you and active with you in a different sort of way." I love that! Play is good. Maybe Dude just wants to have fun.

Dude photo bombs

This makes me laugh every time I look at it. I was trying and trying to get Bestie to perk up for a photo and she was like, meh, just not feeling it. She had just swung her backside over to the other side of the aisle and messed up the angle when Dude stuck his head out of his stall - whatcha doing?

A change in supplements

Here we go! Another attempt to have two horses happily on the same supplements.

Dude has been off supplements for a bit to see if the funky smell he developed this summer would go away. It did. No one could successfully determine why he had a funky smell, and he seemed perfectly happy and unconcerned about being a stinky guy. But it just didn't seem right to me to keep him on something that might have been causing him to smell. Wouldn't that mean his system is not processing an ingredient correctly? 

So, moving on, I looked at a bunch of options, knowing I wanted to stay with a multipurpose supplement - joints, coat, and general peace, love and happiness. And even though I did read up on several possibilities, I really kinda wanted to stay with HorseTech because overall I've been happy with their products and their customer service is really great. And the bottom line was that in the end, HorseTech did seem to have the best match for what I needed.

Bestie recently finished up her old supplements, so about two weeks ago they both started on HorseTech's TriSport, with glucosamine, chondroitin, and MSM as the key ingredients. The previous supplement Dude was on also had hyaluronic acid, but I'm just not convinced that's a deliverable in powdered form. Bestie was only on glucosamine and chondroitin previously, so she's getting a bit extra oomph with the new supplement. They've been on a half dose for two weeks.

The only bummer is that the TriSport doesn't have a pre/probiotic, so I bought a container of HorseTech's DFM ProLactic. I started adding a half scoop of that in their containers this week. Over the next couple weeks I'll increase to the full dosage for both the probiotic and the joint supplement. 

I also recently doubled the rice bran Dude's been getting to two scoops, and he's still getting rice bran oil also. The good news is that I'm seeing an incremental change along his top line and sides. I didn't go to the barn for a couple days and when I took off his blanket, I noticed he's not so ribby. Funny how it's easier to see when I'm not looking at him every day. I'm also giving him an extra flake of hay at night when I'm there, which is most nights. I'm like the hay police, making sure that even if I've given him an evening flake, he still gets the two flake allotment that all of the horses get for their late feeding. He definitely needs the extra hay.

Probably all of these factors - extra hay, rice bran, rice bran oil AND keeping him in an extra sheet under his midweight have contributed to the little weight I'm seeing. The winter has been so cold he easily could've kept dropping weight. It's a relief to see him gaining; it's been a long haul over several months.

A Friday night at the barn

With book club and yoga this week, I hadn't made it to the barn Wednesday or Thursday. Friday it snowed all day, so the first order of business upon arrival was ... getting in the door. The way the entry door is positioned, the wind seems to swirl in along the side of the barn, past the door and back out the other side along the silo. With snowstorms, the snow accumulates right in the entry. After getting through the snow to the door, I found it was so tight that I actually thought the door was locked; even with a few knee prods and hip checks, I couldn't budge it and ended up walking around the barn to the side door.

No one else was there that night and as I entered, the horses all swung their heads my way. Because our stall walls don't go all the way to the ceiling, a few were peering over the tops of their walls as I came in. Such a funny perspective to see their ears and wide spaced eyes peeking at me.

It's always so great to get to the barn. No matter if my arrival is daily or there are days in between visits, I always get the major welcome from Dude and Bestie ... Dude's deep growly nicker and Bestie's high pitched whinny.

Second order of business was rehanging Dude's Jolly Ball. It's his stress reliever for when it's turnout time and he's impatient; he bangs it with his nose to emphasize the fact that he wants out NOW. Better than kicking the door, which he also does when he's worked himself up into a REAL tizzy. The twine holding the ball wears through every so often and has to be replaced. It's funny, when the ball is on the ground he pays absolutely no attention to it..

Third order of business was grooming. It's that dandery time of year, and their coats get just plain yucky between the dander and shavings that work under the blankets when they roll in their stalls. After brushing them both, there was still some time before the feeding of evening hay, so I grabbed a flake for each of them. 

It's pretty warm in the barn - typically it doesn't get much below 35 degrees even when it's below zero outside - so I had left Dude's blankets off while I brushed Bestie. To air him out, ha ha.

After redoing the buckles on the front of his blankets, I slid down the stall wall just to hang out for a bit, sitting in the shavings with my back against the wall. I love the peacefulness of being in the barn at night alone as the horses eat. That peacefulness didn't last long - after a minute Dude stuck his nose under his hay pile and tossed the whole thing in the air - over me. End of peaceful contemplation. :)

An appointment with the farrier

Usually I am not at the barn when farrier Justin comes because the appointment is almost always right smack in the middle of the day. So after the visit he calls me to do a little review. He's really conscientious about that follow up.

Bestie takes about 2 seconds - "Yep, she looks good" - or something to that effect. This shot shows her feet a couple days prior to the visit; a little long, but not bad. Her hooves typically stay pretty well shaped and smooth, and we've never had to treat her for any thrush.

Now Dude, on the other hand, is a different story. Safe to say "Yep, he looks good" has never been said. Dude's portion of "the talk" usually starts with, "Wellllll, Dude's feet..." Sometimes they're looking a little better, sometimes they're not. Sometimes his front feet look terrible and the back look ok. Or the back hooves look terrible but the front hooves look good. It's a never ending battle.

After years of watching the cycle, I've noticed that Dude's feet don't look too bad until about a week and a half prior to the appointment. That was true with this latest visit. I had been using Life Data Treatment with tea tree oil and he seemed to be responding great to that. About two weeks prior to Justin's visit, I ran out of the Life Data and it inexplicably went missing in the local farm store. And it was really hard to find online. I ended up going back to an Absorbine product. We've used them all. I think there might have  been a few stallbound days in there due to weather. That never helps his feet.

Here's Dude a few days prior to his trim. Again, a bit long. What you can't see in the photo is that the inner edge of his right front hoof was all chipped away. Love the casual resting going on with the back right left. Yup, just hangin' in the aisle.

This is his front left hoof - this is actually looking GOOD for him; there's a defined frog visible although parts of it are kind of soft. He's got super constricted heels.

And here he is all trimmed up. This time, Justin found his rear hooves to be thrushier than his front hooves. His feet got cleaned up pretty well ... the cycle of staying on top of it begins again.

The "whatcha doing" nose.

A cold (but not the coldest) night at the barn

So we've hit a cold stretch here in northern Vermont. I'm looking at my home thermometer and we're at -7 and dropping.

At the barn last night, the clock in the indoor arena registered 12 degrees; wayyy below the temperature I consider my cut-off for riding (25-ish). I noticed after I took the photo that the helpful temperature guide indicates that we were indeed in the "VERY COLD" range last night. This clock clearly was not made in Vermont since what it identifies as the COLD range of 30-60 degrees is more like what's considered to be NORMAL here. :)

The horses didn't go out because of the cold and also because light snow had caused some icy patches and treacherous walking. Since the barn was pretty quiet, I was able to bring them separately into the indoor for some romping time. Bestie rolled, then strolled about sniffing. I got her to free lunge, although she kept looking at me with that "why are you making me do this?" expression.

Dude had a couple long leisurely rolls, then trotted around, and finally, got fixated on a gate latch clanking in the wind outside. 

Here he is, intently staring in the direction of the mysterious clanking noise, apparently using his x-ray-through-the-walls vision while trying to figure the noise out. I kept running around the arena like a crazy woman, trying to get him to run around too. I warmed up, but couldn't distract him; he was far more interested in listening to the clanking. So much for romping time!